Saturday, September 25, 2010

Sick and Tired

Some of the best speeches are bluffs.

Eyes shut, as one coming upon a great, but not entirely happy, truth. "If I leave, now, I'm going to survive. I'm going to have a long, happy life. I'm going to live to a nice old age. I'm going to smile at my grandchildren, and have those nice little wrinkles at the corners of my eyes that happy people get when they've been happy for a good, long time. I'm going to look at my kids, and their kids, the way my parents and their parents looked at me." Eyes open. "So I should leave. I should take off running, right now, and not look back for a second. The only reason I shouldn't be sprinting, right now, is to save energy, so I can run longer.

"Assuming I am as weak as you think I am, I should be doing that. Assuming I'm as stupid as you think I am, I shouldn't even have though about how I shouldn't sprint. Assuming I'm as afraid, lost, little, weak, helpless, useless."

The space of a breath passed.

"Assuming, assuming, assuming. Oh, I absolutely love that word. Because it means I can be so many things at once. I can be a brat, and a hero, and the smartest person in the room, and that kid no one should care about, and I don't even have to lie. In fact, I'm more likely to find people believing the truth if I don't lie. If I insist I'm not this, insist I'm not that, then I find people refusing to believe me. Because of course I'd say that. I'm too modest. I'm saving my own skin. I'm trying to puff myself up, little thing in front of the big guy.

"And then,"--smile--"oh, and I can see it now. That understanding. That I was telling the truth. Every single time. And that's the lovely bit. I have never lied, even by omission. I told you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but.

"So, run. Because I'm sick of running, and perhaps I'm too sick to chase."

Some of the best speeches are bluffs. The poor thing could barely stand, much less run. Much less fight. But the strength to stand and the will to speak, only speak...that can spin the world off its axis, and right back on again.

Trope of note: Tired Of Running

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Travel Log: Grand Canyon

I never really got around to this, so it will not be as specific as my other logs. All of this happened back in the beginning of summer (2010).

Basically, I went to Vegas. There were too many lights. When a bookstore with flashing lights around the sign does not stick out, something has gone weird. Not necessarily bad, just weird.

We went to the Grand Canyon. One day down, one day rest, one day up. It was beautiful. It was also very dry, and very hot. Don't bother wringing out your clothes, just hang them on the clothesline. It'll take them minutes, a little more if you hang them in the shade. 110 in she shade'll do that.

We woke up really early--really, really early, the sun hadn't blinked, much less risen--and it was warmer than I'm used to at noon. We climbed, and then had ice cream. --Note to those climbing the Grand Canyon: There was a point, both going down and going up, where it looked like we only had a few more yards. DON'T BE FOOLED.--

We went to Bryce and Zion, both pretty. Perhaps a little more picturesque, but I mean that--they made good pictures. The Grand Canyon just swallowed you up. There was significantly less walking involved here, though we could have done more had we so wished.

We went back to Vegas. My main vice ended up being whole milk, because I dislike the smell of alcohol and am underage, so that was doubly out, lacked the funds and interest for gambling, and sex wasn't really a big pull. Dunno why.

Then we got back home. I didn't realize it until then, but the air in Vegas had been choking me. I don't have the slightest what it would be like were it farther from the coast.

Sunday, September 12, 2010


A lot of words have power. Here are some of the ones I know, and why I think they do.

I am-A declaration of self. On its own, it is fairly powerful, simply because it is saying that the person is. That's one thing another person can't stop, not completely. Someone can kill you, make it into, I was, but in thoughts, in help, in joy, in inspiration, the ripples move out. With a description after it, it becomes more powerful, because it is not just saying, This person is real, it is giving a way to describe. I am a scientist. I am a singer. I am a child. I am a woman. To reinforce both, I am human, I am a person.

I believe-As intimate as I am, but to do with the outside world. This doesn't need logic, nor its absence. It is just a belief. And that'll move mountains.

Especially powerful in, This I believe. The archaic diction gives the phrase some power in itself. Things that have survived this long have survived for a reason. That reason does not always apply in the here and now, but it was there. That sort of belief is why religions claim to predate x or be able to trace this ritual back to y. It's also why stores say Since 1948, or 1904, or 1827. There's power in old things, even if it is only the power people give them.

I know-Alone, it can fall in the same category as, I trust you, or be dismissing another person, or be a, Go on, I understand. If it's, I know myself, it means the person has a strong sense of self. If it's, I know you then it means the person has a connection, and knows what the person will or won't do. How do you know I won't? I know you, Kelsey. And then, the simplest meanings, I am familiar with this, I believe this strongly enough that thinking it false does not (regularly) occur to me.

I love you-Ah, yes. Gotta love the classics. These can be the most important words ever spoken, ever heard. Or they can fall completely flat. The problem with these words is that everyone who is even vaguely familiar with the culture will know how powerful they are. But...they're words. What matters with words is the communication of an idea. When something is so well-known already, it can look like the words are just there to have something there. Can get especially glaring when it's a response. Hm? Oh, yeah, I love you, too. Even Han's response is more traditionally romantic than that, because no etiquette class will teach you to respond to, I love you, with, I know. So he thought about it.

To go back to what originally made it powerful, the phrase can also be someone saying what one or both already knew, if not on the level of the mind that deals with words. Add a finally in there as necessary.

I think-Similar to I believe, though less firm. But this flexibility is a power in itself. I think this true, but I am not challenging you. I am telling you what I think. What do you think. I think so, emphasizes opinion, I think so, lack of certainty, I think so, certainty. Simple words with strong tone, cutting through any random jumble.

Names-There's a mythology in every culture I have run across about true names. It may not be of importance to humans, but there's someone or something out there, and if you know the true name, then you have power. This holds true in the turning-ones-life-upside down fashion with ID cards, social security numbers, etc. But there is a power in just using someone's name, even if it's common. If your parents say, JOHN SMITH! then even though that name is common and has been worn by many for ages, it still has power if it is yours. In the right tone, a whispered, John, would speak volumes.

Any words to add?
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